Talking about sex

Talking to each other 

Before being intimate, it’s helpful to talk with your partner about what you enjoy and what you’re comfortable with. This could include discussing things like what makes you feel good and what you might like to explore. It might feel difficult at first, but starting the conversation can help both of you feel more comfortable. You could say something like, “This is a little hard for me to say, but I want to talk about this with you,” and chances are, your partner might feel the same way. 

Turning it into a game 

You can make talking about sex more fun and less awkward by writing down things you’d like to try together or discussing your fantasies. Take turns picking a note and talking about it. This can help you learn more about each other’s desires and make you feel closer. 

Tips for talking about sex 

1. Find a comfortable space: Choose a quiet, relaxing place to talk. For example, sitting on the couch or another comfortable setting can help you feel more at ease. 

2. Know your desires: Think about what you want and what you’re comfortable with. Be aware of your own boundaries and communicate them clearly. 

3. Be confident: It might take some courage to share your feelings, but it helps build trust. Don’t be afraid to say what you do or don’t want. 

4. Listen actively: Make sure to listen carefully to your partner and show respect for their feelings and boundaries. Healthy relationships involve learning from each other. 

5. Be clear and honest: If something doesn’t feel right, be clear about your intentions. For example, if you’re just planning to watch a movie and aren’t ready for intimacy, say so clearly. 

6. Notice body language: Pay attention to your partner’s cues and signals. Positive body language can show that someone is interested, but always make sure to ask and respect each other’s boundaries. 

7. Share your feelings: Let your partner know when something feels good or when you’re not comfortable. It’s always okay to say “no” if you feel unsure or don’t like what’s happening. 

8. Be mindful of your body language: Your body language says a lot. Be aware of the messages you’re sending and make sure they match what you want. 

9. “Maybe” usually means “no”: If someone isn’t clear, it’s important to respect their space. “Maybe” is often a way of expressing uncertainty, so it’s a good idea to check in and respect their feelings. 

10. Talk before, not during: It’s important to communicate your boundaries and desires before being intimate. This helps ensure both of you are comfortable and prepared. 

No always mean no 

If something doesn’t feel right, remember: “No” always means no. It doesn’t matter what you’re wearing or how far things have gone – your boundaries should always be respected. If someone ignores your “no,” they aren’t respecting you, and you deserve better. Your comfort and safety come first, always.